Last weekend I made the pilgrimage back to the motherland (New Jersey) for a friends wedding in Rockaway. Shortly after I moved away from home, my parents migrated from North Jersey to the Jersey shore, which in the summer becomes a haven for big-haired, Armani Exchange wearing folks from NY and other parts north. But dont take my word for it, just reference the mayor of Belmar, NJs recent blog on the subject. (DISCLAIMER: while humorous, these are not the opinions of myself or the Ice Cream Man family. In fact, as mentioned earlier I was raised in the bowels of north Jersey, and may have actually owned a pair or two of Z Cavariccis back in the day all pictures of said pants have been destroyed). Anyway, back to the mayors thoughts on Guidos:
The more time we spend on the NJGuido site, the more we think of Guidos as a kind of rare bird: they flock to our shore towns during the warm months, and are as welcome as, oh, Canada Geese. They’re always tanned to the color of coconut shells, and easily identified by their plumage: satin shirts and short skirts on the females; Armani Exchange T-shirts and artfully distressed jeans on the males. The females favor bold hair styles and colorful makeup; the males tend to strut and flex their pumped up muscles. The call of the Guido is bellowing, and frequently slurred, invariably starting with the sound, “Yo,” followed all too often by some creative variation on an expletive beginning with the letter, “F.”
And my favorite, on Staten Island girls:
The spat ended the way most fights with SI girls do. The SI woman grabbed the Boonton woman by the hair (we’re told that in Staten Island, this is the female equivalent of a guy kicking another guy in the groin only without the warm and friendly connotations), and began punching her face in. We realize, so far, this is not exactly newsworthy. Journalistically speaking, “SI woman punches other woman” is right up there with “Dog bites man.” But here’s the twist: As the Staten Island girl was pummeling the Boonton girl’s face, she used the hand she was still holding her drink glass in. Now, we’re not sure if the glass was stuck to her hand cause of all the hair spray or if this is a technique Staten Island girls learn in Brownies, but we are thankful she left her brass knuckles and straight razor in her other purse. Anyway, after the blood was all mopped up and the Staten Island girl was carted off in handcuffs, the police got around to asking her why she tried to smash the Boonton woman’s face in with the glass. Her answer was so obvious, the cops must have felt dumb for even asking: “. . .’cause she got in my face.’ “
Good stuff So, while the mayor was busy back-peddling from his bold but thoughtless comments. I managed to fight my way through the fumes of hairspray and CK1 to the legendary Stone Pony in Asbury Park. Made famous by Jersey greats like Bruce Springsteen and Southside Johnny and the Asbury Jukes, the Pony played host to two great shows last weekend. The first, on Friday night, was Mike Doughty, former front-man from NYC-based Soul Coughing. Ive been a Soul Coughing fan since 96 and the band easily holds the top spot on my list of bands I wish would get back together so I can see them live! with ABBA in a way distant second, so seeing Doughty live at the Stone Pony was bitter/sweet. Accompanied by Scrap Livingston on cello, he played a great show, taking requests from the audience and favoring his outstanding solo pieces like 27 Jennifers and Madeline and Nine with a Soul Coughing favorite or two thrown in. Doughtys roots as a poet really shined through in the intimate setting of the Stone Pony indoor stage, despite a raucous mid-set fireworks display on the beach outside, which he non-chalantly noted was probably Southside Johnny returning to take back his stage!
On Sunday night, Warren Haynes and the boys of Gov’t Mule played to a full house on the Ponys outside Summer Stage. It was a great way to see both sides of the Pony in one weekend. Warren Haynes’ voice and guitar licks carried over the Jersey boardwalk and drew a crowd of onlookers who, equipped with beach blankets and coolers enjoyed free viewing from the famed Asbury Park boardwalk just outside the Ponys backyard fence. A highlight of the weekend came after the Mule show when young NJ local band Outside the Box took the stage inside and treated the post Mule crowd to a ripping set of classic covers like Sonny Boy Williamsons One Way Out and a bunch of great originals that belied the youthful exuberance of this teenage band. As we say in NJ Yo! Fing Awesome
